The honeymoon is over!

We quickly settled into a routine.  We’d walk to Nundah train station together then from the city station walk to City Hall in the morning.  Working in sections only separated by a waist-high divider we would often have lunch together.  The reverse journey every afternoon was the same except that the moment we walked in our front door, P would sit down and turn the TV on then ask “What’s for dinner?”.  I taught myself how to cook pretty quickly because P ‘acted’ as though he was completely useless in the kitchen.  He only knew two temperature settings on the stove, either off or full blast, so he burned everything he ‘attempted’ to cook.  He claimed to be a “meat and potatoes” man and also demanded a roast meal every Sunday for lunch.  I had grown up with Mum’s international cooking so I loved Chinese, Italian and Greek cuisine to supplement everyday Aussie food, so I found his bland tastes very constricting.

Being Winter, the football season was in full swing so he was kept busy with training sessions on Tuesday and Thursday nights and if the team’s prospects were good toward the end of the season, training would also take up part of Sunday.  He played Australian Rules Football in the major competition in Brisbane and the games were played on Saturday.  I didn’t mind him playing, in fact I was very proud of him but it was all the boozing afterwards with his mates that caused all the problems.  He came home drunk from every training session and I had to watch him get drunk after every Saturday game.  Once he started drinking, he wouldn’t or couldn’t stop until he was very drunk.

As soon as he got home in this condition, my own personal nightmare would start.  One minute he would be affectionate and loving, then something would set him off and he would become violently aggressive.  For example, one of his friends had just come back from his tour of duty in Vietnam.  Poor GS came back to find his world had changed while he had been away.  None of his mates, including P, had been conscripted into service so they had all moved on with their lives without him.  He came back to find himself at a loose end and frequently dropped in to visit us at our flat.  Apparently P suspected he was dropping in to see me, but didn’t mention anything to him.  Instead he took it out on me during his first drunken attack in our flat.  P wanted me to have sex with him and when I said “No” he went berserk.  I saw his pupils dilate until there was almost no colour left in his eyes.  He accused me of having sex with GS and my denials fell on deaf ears as he started to hit me.  I ran into the bedroom and slammed the door shut but he put his foot through the door and broke into the bedroom.  He proceeded to hit me until I couldn’t get up, then he passed out.

One of my mother’s favourite expressions came back to haunt me, “You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it”.  I couldn’t go home, I was too ashamed to tell anyone … not my best friend or my twin sister.  The next morning he claimed he couldn’t remember any of it, but after he saw the huge bruises on my body he promised that it would never happen again and went out to buy me flowers.  The next time he came home drunk, I thought I could avoid the violent consequences by saying “Yes” when he wanted sex.  You can’t imagine how disgusting it is to have sex:

1. When you don’t want to
2. With a completely drunk man

It was like making love to a jellyfish and apparently I couldn’t fake that it was the best thing in the world, because he went berserk anyway beating me while he demanded to know who my lover was!

This became the routine in our marriage for the next 16 years.  Summer was better as he didn’t meet up with his mates quite as often, except on special occasions such as Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and his birthday in February.

1971 - Part 2

We stayed our first night as a married couple at the Park Royal Hotel, beside the Botanic Gardens in the city.  As we were both too nervous to eat at the reception, we were starving when we arrived and ordered burgers from room service.  We were preparing for bed when I realised that I had left my birth control pills at home and quickly phoned my parents' number, hoping to speak to my sister.  She assured me that she would bring them to the airport in the morning.  We slept well and arrived at the airport early to find only Dad waiting for us.  He told us Twin had fallen down the stairs and twisted her ankle making it impossible for her to see us off, but he reassured me that she was OK.  As our departure time drew nearer, I timidly asked Dad if Twin had given him anything to give to me.  He said "Oh yes" and started patting his pockets, then produced a sealed envelope.  You can't imagine my relief as I felt the blister pack of pills through that envelope.

Our flight to Mackay was uneventful and we booked into a Motel for a couple of nights, because our cruise didn't depart until Tuesday.  We wandered around Mackay a bit, but there really wasn't anything much to see.  At the harbour, we boarded one of Roylen Cruises' five converted PT boats.  Each boat slept only eight guests and our cabin didn't have a solid door: there was a gap at the top and the bottom.  It had never occurred to us that we would have to sleep in double bunks attached to the wall. Apart from our wardrobe, the only other item of interest was a wash basin in the corner.  The bathroom and toilet were at the end of the corridor.  The toilet (the correct nautical term was "the head") was more like a throne because you had to walk up a couple of steps to perch on it. ☺

My husband immediately spotted an acquaintance among the crew of another boat, RG.  I was less than impressed to see him because he had spent most of one night at P's parents' house trying to convince P not to marry me.  I knew this because I had stayed the night and instead of sleeping peacefully in P's bedroom, I spent most of the night listening to RG and P's increasingly drunken discussions about our upcoming nuptials.  He finally convinced P that it was a really bad idea so P sneaked into my room and started hunting around looking for my engagement ring.  Knowing this would happen from the tone of their conversation, I had already slipped it off my finger and hidden it inside the pillow case.  He tried to wake me, but as I was playing sound asleep he eventually gave up his search and staggered back out into the dining room to rejoin RG in another drink.  It never occurred to me at the time to worry about the enormous influence P's friends had over him, but I learnt over time that I came a poor second in relation to his mates, while his children were hardly a blip on his radar.

On our boat one of the deckhands was tall, tanned and blond so P immediately regarded him as a threat, telling me he didn't like the way this guy was looking at me.  I told P that I hadn't even noticed the man until he pointed him out, but of course P didn't believe me.  The rest of the guests were older married couples who quickly deduced we were on our honeymoon, so every morning and each time we went to our cabin for any reason we suffered good-natured jibes on our return above deck.

Our boat took off into the Whitsunday Passage and it was very rough!  We made the fateful mistake of sitting in the bar and it took only a few minutes of watching the alcohol in the bottles sloshing from side to side for us to become horribly sea sick.  P followed me downstairs to the toilet where I was violently sick, then he promptly followed my example.  After cleaning ourselves up, we took to our bunks and fell asleep.  When we awoke, there was no motion from the waves and we quickly realised we were tied up at the wharf at Lindeman Island.  To our horror, everyone else had gone ashore and the boat was about to pull away to allow another boat to dock.  We scrambled ashore as quickly as possible and swore we would never set foot on that boat again ... I nearly kissed the ground!  However, after a few hours of wandering around that beautiful island among the tropical flowers and plants, we decided to persevere with our holiday.  When we boarded again, the crew told us the only way to avoid seasickness was to stand at the bow and never to go inside.  If only we had know this trick earlier!

We visited Lindeman, Hook, Hayman, Brampton and Daydream Islands.  Some nights all the boats would tie up side by side at a wharf, using planks to get from one boat to the other, then we would all go ashore to enjoy dinner and dancing at one of the resorts.  We were having a lovely night at Daydream Island when RG asked me to dance.  I didn't really want to but felt I should remain civil.  He behaved himself and seemed quite nice, but suddenly P jumped up and stormed out.  When we all returned to our boats, I found him propped up at the bar.  When I suggested it was bedtime he pointedly ignored me so I went downstairs to our cabin alone.  Apparently the bar stayed open as long as someone wanted to drink so I didn't see him again until morning.  We never discussed that incident.

The rest of our trip was marvellous.  We caught fish in crystal clear water ... it seemed like cheating to me because I could see the fish open its mouth to take my bait and only had to yank on the line to catch it.  Our fresh catch was cooked superbly by our on-board Chef and I fell in love with Red Emperor and Sand Snapper. 

One day we boarded a Dingy to spend some time on Whitehaven Beach.  Remember this was the middle of winter but between the snow white sand and crystal clear water, we were sunburnt within 30 minutes.  Worse still, the outboard motor on the Dingy broke down so we were stranded there for a couple of hours.  We sat in the water with soaking wet towels over our heads to try to save our skin from burning any more, but I was horribly blistered by the time they picked us up.

We eventually returned to Mackay where we were scheduled to board the Sunlander to return to Brisbane.  To our dismay, there had been a problem on the rail line somewhere south of us and we were told we wouldn't be leaving until midnight.  We explained our predicament and begged the nearest hotel's desk clerk for a room for just the day.  It wasn't too expensive and we rested until it was time to return to the station.  We left just after midnight and were very comfortable in our private two-bed sleeper.  When we woke up we were travelling slowly past workmen rearranging gravel at the side of the track.  I asked P to close the blinds so I could get out of bed but he told me it was one-way glass and they couldn't see me.  I disagreed saying "I'm sure that man is looking straight at me!" but P just said I was imagining things, so I got out of bed and got dressed.  As we left the train in Brisbane I looked with horror into every sleeping berth as we walked along the platform.  I glared at P and said in an icy voice "One-way glass?  Really?"  At least he apologised, but it didn't make me feel any better ... I've never been an exhibitionist and those men had gotten an eye full!

We arrived at his parents' house where we would stay until we could rent ourselves a flat and after one night, we were prepared to rent anything just to get out of there.  We ended up with a one-bedroom, fully furnished flat at Nundah ... one room was a combined kitchen/dining/lounge room with a front door, the other room had a back door and was a decent sized bedroom with a small bathroom/toilet off that, all for $24 per week including electricity.

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1971 - Part 1

For Xmas, P gave me a watch.  Engraved on the back was "To Beth with love, P".  He explained that this had belonged to his ex-girlfriend.  He had gotten her pregnant, but as she was in the Navy based in Sydney, they took care of it for her.  When they broke up, he had asked for his watch to be returned.  It was a nice watch, but I did contemplate scratching off the engraving.

In early February 1971, P had his 21st birthday party under his parents' high-set house.  Mum had made me a beautiful halter-neck, backless dress from a peacock blue satin jersey fabric.  Of course I couldn't wear a bra with it, so I strategically applied some sticky tape. ☺

We were having a great time and I danced with P and some of his friends, but as the night wore on, P got very drunk.  He bailed me up against the fence outside and accused me of making a play for his friends, then he hit me.  I fought back, scratching his face, which immediately sobered him up.  I went upstairs and he followed me into his bedroom.  His mother and grandmother burst in, but J didn't say anything except for L to leave us alone to sort it out.  L wasn't having any of that and started screaming at me for scratching P's face.  I got up and left, telling my parents that I was going home.  After I caught a taxi home, P went to sit in B's car (the woman I'd replaced in Cashiers) where she consoled him for the rest of the night.

I kept going over that night in my mind, trying to see what actions of mine could have been misconstrued by P ... I found nothing!  After a few days we talked it out, made up and I chalked it up to a one-off event.

Later in February, Twin gave birth to her beautiful daughter H!

 

Mum and Dad adored H and couldn't do enough for her.  I had always known that Twin was my parents' favourite and now it seemed that her daughter was favoured even more.  ☺

In March we celebrated our 19th birthday with dinner at the Angus Steakhouse in the National Hotel in Brisbane.  In the photo below are A, Twin, me and P.  The boys were 21, but Twin and I had no problem ordering alcohol.

Our wedding was scheduled for July, but in April I discovered I was pregnant.  P and I agreed it was too soon for a baby as we both thought it would put too much pressure on a new marriage.  My sister had only been married 6 months, but her marriage was already a bit rocky.  P asked around and found the name of a Gynaecologist who performed illegal abortions at his house in Ascot.  P insisted that I would have to go alone, otherwise his price would double, so we sat down to work out how much money we could scrape up together.

I made the appointment and attended his house one night.  After his examination, he confirmed that I was approximately 6 weeks pregnant.  I burst into tears and told him I couldn't have the baby so he offered to solve my problem for $2,000.  It might sound like very little money now, but in 1971 it was a staggering amount to someone earning $50 per fortnight!  After more tears and a bit of haggling, he settled for $250.  He wrote me a prescription for some painkillers and antibiotics, telling me to take the painkillers 30 minutes before my next appointment.

On Friday night a week later, I returned to his house while P waited up the street.  As I approached his door I could hear music playing loudly, but over that I could hear a woman moaning.  I was so frightened that I knocked rather timidly on his door.  Of course he couldn't hear me so I tried again loudly until he ripped open the door.  He told me he was busy and to go away for about one hour.  I explained that I had already taken the pills, but he said it would be fine and slammed the door in my face.  When I looked up the street for P, he was nowhere in sight so I wandered down to the park and sat on a bench.

When I returned he was ready for me and much to my horror, he performed a D & C without giving me any further pain relief.  I won't go into details except to say I've never felt pain like that before or since and the procedure seemed to take forever.  I paid him his money and left with an appointment for a check-up in 6 weeks.  I slowly wandered down the street until I found P waiting around the corner.  He called a taxi and took me home, as I was bent over in pain and feeling very weak.  I let myself in and, telling Mum and Dad I was feeling sick, went straight to bed.  After spending all week-end in bed, I was feeling well enough to go to work on Monday.  At my follow-up appointment he gave me a clean bill of health.

I would like to say something to the extremists.  I don't expect you to change your minds, but please remember that abortions have been happening since the human population started walking the Earth.  Women should be allowed to control their own bodies and I don't want to see anyone forced to use "backyard" abortionists ever again, because that's what will happen if legal abortions are ever banned.

P and I married in July.  Twin was my Matron of Honour, my best friend L and P's best friend R's girlfriend were my bridesmaids.  R was P's best man and his groomsmen were T and my brother-in-law A.

I'm pretty sure that our wedding was one of the few in history to have hecklers!  As we left the church after the ceremony, we could hear a woman yelling out comments like, "You'll be sorry!" and "I'll give it 6 months!".  There she was ... with her friend sitting in the gutter, both drunk!  P's friend B who had comforted him on the night of his 21st.  He could have walked over to her and told her to go, but no ... he thought that if he pretended she wasn't there ... she would just leave so P did nothing.  All through our photo session, we would smile for the camera then scowl off to our left, then smile again.  I developed a tic at the side of my mouth after a few minutes of this absurdity.

Finally, we escaped to our reception at the Metropolitan Motor Inn.  I should mention here that after my Aunt L died in 1965 my Dad, being one of her executors, spent up lavishly.  Aunt L and Uncle G were childless so she left her entire estate to her five nieces and nephews.  Mum and Dad immediately paid cash for a large block of land in Sunnybank, a new Valiant sedan then they sold our shares in BHP to pay for Twin's wedding and her new car.  Dad insisted that P and I should have a great honeymoon so as well as paying for my wedding, I paid for our flights to Mackay, accommodation there, a week-long cruise around the Whitsunday Islands then tickets on the Sunlander back to Brisbane.

I'm sorry my story is taking so long to relate, but each post is more difficult to write than the last.  Thank you for your patience.

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1970

As I became more involved with P, we would have lunch together, sitting at his desk eating his Mum's sandwiches.  I hadn't met her yet, but she made extra for P to share.  I knew he played football and drank a lot, but I'd grown up around a lot of drinking so I didn't see it as a problem.

The first time P asked me out, it was to be after work on a Friday.  He had disappeared after lunch as usual and I waiting until almost quitting time, but he didn't return so I phoned Dad to give me a lift home.  I was waiting in Ann Street when I spotted P staggering, very drunk, along the opposite footpath.  When Dad pulled up, I jumped into the car as P raced across the road in front of us, yelling at me not to go.  I just told Dad to ignore him and we drove away.  When P and I discussed it later, I told him I wasn't prepared to wait around while he got drunk.

He did some funny things, like pulling the ring-pull off his can of Coke to give me an "engagement ring".   I thought it was cute at the time and I was sure I was in love with him.  It wasn't the "head over heels" type of feeling, just one of inevitability or fate, because I couldn't see my life without him in it.  I think he reminded me of Dad in a way, which should have sounded a warning.  We went out with his best friend, R with his girlfriend J and his other mate T.  I don't think they liked me very much but I really didn't care as long as P stayed reasonably sober.

When he introduced me to his parents, they welcomed me warmly.  I thought they were great, but I was a bit shocked to hear them swear.  They said "shit" and "bastard" ... words I had never heard my parents use.  The strongest equivalent in my parents' vocabulary was "basket" instead of "bastard"!   Like my parents, his drank every night although it was only a large bottle of beer each.  His Mum J told me that she suspected her husband, V kept a bottle of spirits or plonk under the house, which he also drank on the sly.

J and I became fast friends and she earned my respect.  She had always wanted a daughter and I found her much easier to talk to than my mother.  She had also worked all her married life to help keep the wolf from the door, only because V liked to drink so much he didn't give her enough money to live on.  She had lived most of her life in incredible pain because when she was very little, she was playing downstairs when her mother, L, emptied out the old copper she used to boil the laundry.  The scalding water burnt her back so severely that she spent a long time in hospital propped up on her elbows.  When she came out of hospital, she had to learn to walk again and after a while, osteoarthritis caused so much pain in both her elbows that a surgeon removed the head of the radius in both her arms.  Even with cortisone treatment, the pain never left her and simple things like turning a tap or peeling a potato caused her much pain, which she tried to hide from everyone around her.

I made sure that we bought her things to make her life easier, such as an electric can opener and an electric carving knife.  She was so very brave and so different to my mother who complained about everything and was almost happy to be diagnosed with Angina.  J's mother L was similar to mine, because the first time I met her she pulled up her skirt to show me a large scar on her knee and thigh, then pulled up her top to show me another one on her back ... way too much information for a first meeting!  L even listed off multiple doctors and specialists she frequented in Mt Isa and Brisbane.

P and I became engaged in November 1970.  When told of our engagement, his friend T didn't believe him and bet him dinner at the Room at the Top restaurant in the Tower Mill Motel.  I don't know which of us he was insulting, but we enjoyed a very good meal thanks to T's scepticism. ☺

I was 18 and P was 20.  I splurged on my dress; it cost nearly 2 weeks wages ... $32!  I finally took P home to meet Mum and Dad who typically, drank him under the table.  I had to pour him into a taxi and make sure he had the huge fare from Upper Mt Gravatt to Virginia, ie. $5.  One of our work mates wrote a poem to celebrate our engagement, which he happily recited at our work Xmas party.

It goes as follows:

When P to M popped the question

M pensively made a suggestion

C**** she said is rather a strange label

But I'm willing if you're ready and able!

My engagement ring was unique and in all the years since, I have never seen another ... unlike his best friends who went to Diamonds International so their Fiancées sported exactly the same ring.  Both girls were not happy!

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