My answer is, I don't really know ... I'm hoping to shed all the memories and secrets that have been bottled up for too long and a friend suggested that blogging was a safe, anonymous way to get it all out so I can get past it.
All my life I had practised pushing unpleasant and/or harrowing memories down so far that I fooled myself into believing I had forgotten them. The dam wall started to crack in July, 2000 when my darling mother-in-law finally lost her battle with cancer and I was being bullied by my manager at work. I fought against depression each day, forcing myself to get up and go to work, shutting myself away from Friday night to Monday morning, rarely speaking or seeing another soul before starting the cycle again. On 19 October 2007 my job was made redundant and I lost my only anchor ... too much of my feeling of self worth was tied to my work, and I started the slow descent into depression and anxiety.
Let me emphasise that I am not looking for any sympathy, because everything that has happened in my life has contributed to making me the woman I am today (whoever that is). I'm not blaming anyone nor playing a victim. I'm simply stating what happened, objectively and truthfully. I have an excellent memory of these events and want to simply lay it all out, without trying to read anything into anyone's behaviour or assume to know what others were thinking.
If someone else reads this and it helps them in any way, it would make this effort worthwhile because I really love helping people. Even if they just compare their life to mine and say to themselves, "My life isn't as screwed up as I thought!" :)
So, here goes:
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